Ruri's writing a blog

 Ontem tentei pegar o último inseto e peixe que eu preciso no Animal Crossing, que só posso pegar até fevereiro. Espante um besouro que parecia aquele que eu precisava e não achei mais e perdi a paciência lol. 5am: Acordei. Joey tava reclamando e dei comida e soltei ele. 6am: desenhei, comi um sanduíche de pão chato com ovo e um outro de meio pão francês e a geléia de pêssego que eu fiz. assisti uns vídeos do youtube sobre stardew. 7am: fui no banheiro e joguei 2 ou 3 dias de stardew. 9am: lavei a louça e fui cuidar dos meus feijões. 10am: desenhando e assistindo video de stardew valley. 11am: mãe voltou e trouxe pastel de atum com queijo. Comi tudo apesar de ter receio de n cair bem :P 12pm: esperando dungeon meshi. spaced out. played stardew. watched stardew vids. had tummy ache from the pastel. told mother to stop buying cheese things for me. which she said she would. which made me surprised. let's see if she actually does it bc she bought something with cream for me again for l...

made a pasta sandwich with mayo and ketchup and it was good, even though the pasta is starting to go bad so it is a little yucky. taste was fine just a little slimy. not enough to get me sick especially only this amount though lol im sleepy. at least im not hungry anymore, but i don't feel like drawing. i'll give it a try as i feel low energy to do anything else as well. coloquei o wan com ovo cru e a comida da geladeira por 2,5minutos e o bagulho explodiu. Bem, eu sabia que explodiria e fiz mesmo assim. lol saí com os cachorros e a mãe tava passando mal quando eu voltei. Provavelmente a pressão dela despencou enquanto ela estava cuidando das plantas no calor. Hoje está bem quente. Mas é a segunda vez que isso acontece, só que dessa vez não foi desencadeado por uma picada de inseto. --- 6am: woke up and talked to bassa. scrolling phone. 7am: breakfast. youtube. watched veganism vids, palestine/israel vids, crisis of masculinity vids. 8am: bathroom. 3 days of stardew valley. 9am...

 i went fishing. a gente pegou a estrada para joanópolis e paramos na empresa de piracaia. Foi bem legal, peguei uns 8 peixes, mas yukio acha que peguei mais. ele pegou quatro. foi divertido. saimos as 7 e voltamos as 13h. almocei. aí bachan e tia helena vieram parar aqui e eu levei bachan e os cachorrinhos pro sítio. aí eu dormi. acordei e to com preguiça de desenhar então acho que vou pegar leve até amanhã. to meio dolorida e um pouco queimada. yukio ta animado para ir num pesque pague na próxima. vou lá pra cama de novo zzz. ah é hoje anunciaram o pokemon legend za e o tcg pocket. aparentemente hoje era o pokemon day. legal. acho que n vou pegar o legends, mas vai ser legal ver o pessoal jogar e ficar com hype para os novos pokemons.

Weather: Sunny Feel pretty good today. Legs are a little sore but mind and body feel light and clear. The benefits of walking are amazing. My wrist feels a little achey though, especially when i played a day of stardew valley, i started to feel some light pain. Ended up talking about fishing with stepdad and he seems interested. Later I should phone the fishing place and ask for information. I'm hopeful I'll have the mind to draw a little. I hope my wrist can take it. Also I'll avoid scrolling and if I can't draw I'll try walking or doing other things like playing the piano, reading or studying something. Just watched a very good video on Palestine. Spoke the words that were stuck in my throat for the past few months. It is truly heartbreaking to witness the cruelty and perversion of the world, even through a tiny distant window. I can only pray. I feel like that is the only thing that I can do. https://youtu.be/3xottY-7m3k?si=qpbwBg06RGjtFlFg Oof. fui comprar mater...

4am: woke up, played with Joey 5am: opened the door for Joey, watched the sunrise with him 6am: read Kemono Jihen newest ch + Otome Heroine's fight for survival. Very decently good. Waiting for new chapters. Ate a small sandwich. Drew the tiniest of things. 9am: Washed dishes and checked on my plants 10am: Short nap, took dogs out to Lago do Major and Cobasi 11am: Ate a cookie. Bathing dogs. Sleepy. Jumped a very small amount of rope (22 jump combo). Programed hourly reminders. Watching mukbangs. opened a sparkling water bottle. 12am: watered beans. it's very hot today. eating some leftovers oden with rice. (inhame + pumpkin). figured out the alarms i set don't work. 1am: went for a walk. Walked 4.5km. Feet hurt. 3am: Took a nap. Eating. 5pm: Eating. Watching youtube about rain world 6pm: drinking milk w honey. still watching youtube about rainworld 7pm: shower 8pm: more rainworld youtube. tired. going to bed.

 And tomorrow I'll be another person. Just like yesterday I was another person, that I will hardly remember as the days go by. I'm doing better. Which means I'm feeling awful as shit. Not even the thought of killing myself is giving me comfort. Because it is as if it wasn't even a solution anymore. Doing better is the only solution, and it hurts really bad.

 8) why the f was this so MOTIVATING???? FUUUCKK NOTHING ELSE MATTERS IT'S COMIC TIME BABYYYY ... ... ... I AM SO GODDAMN HAPPY XDDD I FEEL SO FREE! Is this what they call that concerning moment when a suicidal person decides to kill themselves and they suddenly feel super light and happy?? XD SHIT BUT I DON"T CARE I FEEL SO LIGHT AND SO GOOD There's like a light at the end of the tunnel!! I have a goal again!! Nothing else can hurt me cuz I can finally DIE you know, nothing matters! Man. I'm sorry if you're reading this but truth is it'll take my whole life to draw all my comics and so many things can happen until then. Sure this is not OK in the slightest and highly concerning but I'm taking what I got. I'm riding this FEEL GOOD wave and let chance take me wherever it wants. I'm so happy I can finally die ahhhh... ---- so apparently that means i just jumped from passive suicide ideation to active. I'm still feeling ELATED. Years and months try...