Reasons to not kill yourself:

•  Your parents will think that they have failed you
  They have.
• Your siblings will miss your voice.
  I don't have siblings.
• Your pets will be waiting for you to come home.
  They'll move on just fine.
• Your best friend will be missing their other half.
  I don't have a best friend.
• Your mom will remember the way you smile when you eat the food she made for you.
  I don't care.
• You'll never be able to listen to your favorite song ever again.
  I don't care.
• You'll never be able to achieve your dream.
  I won't be able to anyways.
• You'll never know if you met the one.
  I'll never meet them anyway.
• There's always a way to solve your problem.
  Nope.

My angry reactions to a short vid about me searching why life is worth living lmao

Comments:

"Suicide doesn't take away the pain, it gives it to someone else" - Kakashi Hatake

pft. My eyes rolled to the back of the skull first time i read it though.

I'm fine though in the sense that I'm not actively killing myself. I'm just moody with a light headache. But yeah, the life I have right now is definitely not worth living.

I spend so many resources just soothing and comforting myself from the fact I am alive in this life I have. Me saying there's no way to solve my problem is just me being stubborn. Sure there is a way. I just don't believe in it. Me saying there IS a way is just wishful thinking because I have to stay alive, so I might as well as say the thing that will keep my head afloat, but not because I really belive in it.

Because yeah, said solution is: Making real bonds with people. Pfah, can't do it. Achieving my dreams. Trying, but I get demotivated sometimes. Earn money and leave. I only see myself being completely alone with nothing to live for.

I wanted to stop hating my parents I really do, but as long as I hate the life that they gave to me (in the sense they birthed me, not counting what they did to me after that, i'm not including that) i think i can't help but hate them. Well my mother can take some blame for carelessly telling me she thought of aborting me and planting that seed in my head, but I don't care. Hating them is tiring. Mourning my own life is tiring. Seeing people is tiring. Existing is tiring. But I'm not at that point yet. The reason I'm writing all of this is because I'm fighting to stay alive. Processing everything, finding a way, doing my best to do the right thing every moment. That's where I'm at. Time to try writing some more ch2 since I'm not taking a cold shower with a light headache. Which probably is from oversleeping and being hungry. And angry.